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Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Forgive & Forget

Why is it so hard to forgive someone? Have you ever been in a situation where you think forgiveness and reconciliation are very remote and might not be possible?

Many a time, when someone hurts us deeply, we find it hard to forgive because we think that justice has not been served. Surely, someone must take the blame and that person should NOT be ME! Why should I be blamed when I was the victim? Why should I ask for forgiveness or reconcile, when I was the one who was wronged? Notice the similarity here? It is always about ME! I deserved an apology, I deserved to be comforted, and I deserve to have justice acted towards the wrong-doer. It’s ME, ME, ME, ME...
Now what did the Lord say and do about forgiveness? We have a perfect example here, for he is THE spotless VICTIM, everybody owe him a BIG apology, he deserved to be comforted and we should be punished because of the wrongs that we did and he was unjustly ‘punished’ for us. It’s like when the cops catches the wrong person and send the wrong man to the gallows. Once the man has passed, what we can do is only ask for forgiveness from his surviving kin, because he is dead and we cannot restore him to life.
Let us see what Jesus say about forgiving those who hurt us:

‘You have heard that it was said, “Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth”. But I tell you, DO NOT resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also’. (Matt.5:38-39)

‘But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you’ (Matt.5: 44)

Jesus precisely addresses this issue at its face value. DO NOT resist does not mean don’t do anything. For an example, if someone is harming you, it does not mean you should stay there and wait to be killed or harmed. It simply means, DO NOT retaliate in kind to the aggressor. Turning the other cheek means to be prepared to endure, not passive surrender to one’s own fate. After that, he instructed us to love the enemies. Make no mistake; an ENEMY is not someone that we dislike or hate. It could be anyone close to us such as our families, friends and loved ones. When we go against the command to love, we are the ‘enemies’ of love and hence, the ‘enemies’ of everyone around us. After loving them comes the hardest part. We are called to pray for them as well. Now at this junction, I will be tempted to ask the question “WHY the heck should I pray for this horrible, egoistic, self-centred person who does not give an ounce of compassion and understanding towards me? WHY should I pray for his well-being and not curse him for his downfall?” The answer lies in the last words of Jesus on the Cross:

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Lk.23: 34)

Using these twelve words as our principle guide, let us dissect one by one these words of Jesus on WHY we SHOULD pray for our enemies.

First, Jesus called God as FATHER, meaning he acknowledged his humanness, of his limitations as a human and of God’s greatness as the source of everything in the world. He acknowledged that God as the Creator must have created something so good, because God himself is pure perfectness and goodness. Naturally, what comes from God should be perfect and good too. So, in effect, Jesus ‘confessed’ that his persecutors are ‘perfect and good’ by nature, because they were created by God too.

Next; “FORGIVE THEM”. Jesus did not dilly-dally when he prayed. He didn’t beat around the bush, telling God all those scourging that he received, all those spittle spat at him or those mocking which must have hurt him. He did not COMPLAIN to God first. He simply forgave them and asked God for forgiveness on their behalf first. Why? Because after forgiving, nothing else matters! All that matters is, everything is forgiven and restored to its original condition. Wait a minute, you say! ‘How about those wounds that he suffered? How about those humiliations that were handed down to him? Those tortures must have hurt him deeply, physically, mentally if not spiritually!’ Well, Jesus did not raise them up, because there is no point in doing so. His chief concern is his tormentors need forgiveness and they needed it fast. That’s why he did it before he died. He could have forgiven them later, when all the wrongs and rights have been weighed and justice meted out. But he chose to forgive them as fast as possible. Why? Because when you wronged someone, you don’t feel right. Therefore, it keeps on playing in your mind and becomes a burden and poison to your soul. So, forgiveness comes first, nothing else matters.

The next eight words will tell us why we should pray for our enemies. ...”for they DO NOT KNOW what they are doing”. How many times have we said some stupid things without thinking and ended up hurting someone dear to us? Or perhaps when we genuinely did not mean to hurt anyone with our actions and words, but it just came out horribly wrong? How many times did we “get back at ‘em” for things which we misunderstood in the first place and we embarrassed our loved ones in the public? Or because of our ego, we think that we deserved some respect and therefore people need to be perfect before they point out our mistakes? Because Jesus perfectly understands the nature of humans, he ‘deflected’ the blame from them, because the truth is, we don’t really know what we are doing most of the time. And because our enemies don’t know, therefore we should pray for God to illuminate and enlighten them of their errors and evil ways. We wish them all that are good because we don’t want them to endure the same pain that we had. The pain stops with me, let them be spared from all these tears and sorrow, pain and dejection. Wait! Why should I do all these? Is it not stupid? Why should they be spared from MY pain, MY tears and sorrow, MY pain and dejection? Answer: True love reacts mysteriously. It seems foolish and foolhardy, useless and cowardly. But this love is not selfish and vengeful. It is not self-centred and calculative or egoistic. Love just extends his hands, forgives and died on the Cross. And we are called to do the same, because we called ourselves Christians and people will know this by our love for one another (Jn.13: 35).

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